Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Ah Por looking to get married

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair. The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you.... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"

She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

Buy A pussy at $22,000

Would you pay $22,000 for a pussy cat? This is no ordinary cat. It is a designer cat that has become the latest exotic pet for fashionable homeowners in America. The specially-bred Ashera is the largest, rarest and most exotic house cat in the world.


cat1


The pricey puss is a result of breeding the African Surval and the Asian Leopard cat with a domestic cat. Bred by Los Angeles-based Lifestyle Pets, the company claims the Ashera "is a new ultra-exotic breed of domestic cat that already has wealthy animal devotees paying to get on the waiting list". But it has the markings of its wild cousins and is bigger, standing four feet high on its hind legs. It can also grow up to weight a whopping 30 pounds.


cat2


Concerns have been expressed that the cat's wild ancestry may emerge as hyperactive behaviour when it is kept as a domestic house pet. Bit in response to this, the developers have included ten years of sessions with a renowned animal behaviourist in the hefty price tag. The cost of the cat includes nail caps to stop the kitten destroying furniture, hand delivery to the owner's home and a one-year guarantee. Ashera fanciers can order the latest must-have pet through the website of California-based Lifestyle Pets.

Mafulat! Buying a cat is so 9 expensive nowadays!

Monday, November 26, 2007

Stages of Drunkenness

drunk_guy4


Stage 1 - SMART
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.

Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING
This is when you realise that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.

Stage 3 - RICH
This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armoured truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you will win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.

Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF
You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!

Stage 5 - INVISIBLE
This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know all the words.



drunk_guy5

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Help Desk Work

How many of you guys are working as a help desk in a computer firm? If you have these kind of complaint from your clients, you sure vomit blood wan! Muahahaha!!! I really wonder if the technical support people their pay is high a not? You must be a very patience and can tolerate your anger in order to work as technical support.

Case 1

Once day, Ahbeng encountered problem with his PC and he called up technical support for help.

Tech support: I need you to "right click" on the open desktop.

Ahbeng: Wokeh set!

Tech support: Did you get a "pop-up" menu?

Ahbeng: No! Nothing happens.

Tech support: Ok, right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?

Ahbeng: Tarak!

Tech support: Ok Sir, can you tll me what you have done up to this point?

Ahbeng: You asked me to "write click" and I wrote "click" lor.

Tech support: Vomit blood! laubeihuet



Case 2

Ahbeng: I received the software up-date you sent me but I'm still getting the same error message.

Tech support: Did you install the update?

Ahbeng: No, oh am I supposed to install it to get it to work?

Tech support:laubeihuet

Friday, November 16, 2007

The New Blogging World

Hi, look who is blogging? Now with easy access of the computer, even the animals also wanted to write something on their blogs. These fellers are chatting on Google talk! Muahahahaha

monkeyblogger

Mama monkey and her little ones are waiting for their turn!! kakakaka

Catblogger

Don't disturb me can? I'm talking to my friends here! Meow!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Cherry Potty

image011



A little boy was playing by a pond when he saw a Port-A-Potty. Feeling mischievous, he tipped it over into the pond, and ran all the way home. At dinner, his father told the story of how George Washington chopped down the cherry tree. Feeling incredibly guilty, the little boy 'fessed up and told his father about what had happened. Soon, the boy was spanked, and how!

"Wait, dad! What's going on? I told you the truth!"

"Yes, you did. But George Washington's dad wasn't in the tree when he chopped it down!"

God, please make them fat!

cat


Piss in the Boat
Two men were out fishing, when they found a lamp floating in the water. One of the men picked it up and rubbed it, causing a genie to explode from the lamp. Unfortunately, it was a very low-level genie and could only grant one wish. The men thought for a few minutes and then wished for the entire lake to be made of the best beer in the world. With a poof! the wish was granted. All of a sudden, one of the men got really angry.

"Dammit! Now we have to piss in the boat!"

Lazy dog

DOG


Lion, Tiger, Lawyer, Elevator
Q: You are stuck in an elevator with a tiger, a lion and a lawyer. You have a gun with just two bullets in it. What do you do? A: Shoot the lawyer twice to make sure he's dead.





Best Friend
A guy is sitting at a bar, throwing back glass after glass of scotch. The bartender, a little worried, asks him if he's okay. "No, I'm not," the guy replies. "I just caught my wife in bed with my best friend." "Well," asks the bartender, "what did you say to your wife?" "Nothing. I'm not speaking to that bitch anymore." "Well, what did you say to your best friend?" "BAD DOG! BAD DOG!"

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Qiuck Jokes

How did the aliens hurt the farmer?
They trod on his corn.

Did you hear about the farmer you ploughed his field with a steamroller ?
He wanted to grow mash potatoes!

What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer?
You take me for grunted.

Q: When is a farmer like a magician?
A: When he turns his cow to pasture.

Q: Why did the farmer call his pig "Ink"?
A: Because it was always running out of the pen.

Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
A: Laughing stock.

Q: Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain?
A: He has got no beef.

Monday, November 12, 2007

The Camel Story


THE CAMEL STORY

A mama camel and her baby camel are talking
one day when the little one ask, " Mum, Why I have
got these 3 toed feets?"

Mama Camel replies, Well my little camel, when we
trek accross the dessert your toe will help you stay
on top of the sand so that it will prevent you from
sinking.

I see! said the little camel.

A few moments later, the little camel ask, Mum,
Why I have these lovely long eye-lashes?"


Mama camel replies, they are there to keep the sand out of
your eyes on the long journey through the hot dessert.

Thats wonderful Mum, replies the little camel.

A short while later the little camel asks again , Mum,
Why I have got these great ugly humps on my back?

Mama Camel replies, Oh, they are there to help you
store water for our long journey accross the dessert
so we can go without drinking water for very long
periods.

Wow!! That great, replies the little camel. We have
great feet to stop us from sinking into the sand, long
eyes-lashes to keep the sand from entering our eyes
and the humps to store water, BUT Mum !!!

Yes, my little camel? replies Mama camel.


BUT THEN,


"WHAT THE 'FARK' ON EARTH
ARE WE DOING IN THE ZOO?? "



Mama Camel was stunned and said TIU !! GO BACK TO
YOUR CAMP.!!

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Viagra also cannot help!

An older man goes to the Doctor in desire of a prescription for Viagra. The Doctor looks over the man, and says, "Viagra can be very dangerous and we do not just dispense it indiscriminately. Please bring your wife to my office next week and we'll discuss this in more detail.

So the following week he shows up with his wife. The Doctor asks to see the wife by herself for a few moments and she follows him back to the examining room. The doctor asks her to disrobe and she does. He then asks her to turn around in 360 degrees a few times then instructs her to get up on the examining table and to turn in various positions. He then tells her she can get dressed and goes out to meet the Male Patient. "Sir," The Doctor Says, "There is nothing wrong with you, I couldn't get an erection either.

Wakakaka!!

Posted by AceOne118/Yinsi

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Any takers?

Have you tried online dating before anot? I can bet you that when you first choose your "target", surely you'll go for a "leng lui" face, Right anot? She got a cute face and big "melon". Sure go all out lah. Hahahaha!!! Has been dating online quite a while until I got her full photo! I pass! Any takers?

This is a salutary lesson for those who are gullible enough to believe all they see and read in the advertisements, especially on dating websites. Don't be taken in boys - and girls! Take it all with a packet of salt. Don't let your dream of the perfect date turn into the nightmare date from hell, as happened to the guy in this case.




2cropping


Posted by: Yinsi