Thursday, February 28, 2008

5 stages of drunkenness


Stage 1 - SMART

This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.


This is when you realise that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.

Stage 3 - RICH

This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armoured truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you will win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.


You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!


This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know all the words.


Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Taking a few days off?


Mr Beng urgently needed a few days off work, but he knew his Boss would not allow him to take leave . He thought that maybe if he acted "CRAZY" (sot plug) then he would tell him to take a few days off.

So he hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. His co-worker AhLing asked him what he was doing. He told her that he was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think he was "CRAZY" (sot plug) and give him a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing Mr Beng?" He told him that he was a light bulb.

Boss said, You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days off. Mr Beng jumped down and walked out of the office.

When his co-worker AhLing followed Mr Beng, the Boss asked her. And where do you think you're going?

Ahling said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark lah."